To people who blindly follow Science

Scientists, dietitians, and doctors are also influenced by patriarchal culture.They are not Gods. They are subjective human beings who are conditioned by the society. A good example of this is the way some doctors fat-shame their patients.

Don’t be like religious fanatics! Be skeptical. Do your own research and be aware of bias. Remember that even the American Psychiatric Association and the American Psychological Association had once declared homosexuality as a disease!

Problem with motivational quotes

Motivational quotes have their purpose but the problem is with people who use them to shame others/trivialize others’ problems. These people reduce success and courage to will power/motivation, which is pretty simplistic. They don’t take it account privilege, genes, environment, upbringing etc..which all play a role in determining a person’s destiny. No, you cannot snap out of depression by reading a motivational book. It is a complex issue and reducing it to lack of will power is insensitive.

Dhinchak Pooja and misogynistic culture

“​​Aaja teri ch**t maroon, Tere sar se ch****y ka bhoot utaroon, Ch*****7 ke baad tujhe joote maroon, Tere mooh mein apna l***a de ke m***h maroon” (Translation: Come let me f*** you till the thought of making love leaves your mind, Beat you with my shoe after I f**k you and then I’ll shove my d**k in your mouth and j**k off)– Yo Yo Honey Singh

“Slut, you think I won’t choke no whore / Til the vocal cords don’t work in her throat no more?!” – Eminem

“Dilon ka shooter, hai mera scooter, Dilon ka shooter, aa aa”- Dhinchak Pooja

Society dances to the songs of the first guy, calls the second guy, “the greatest rapper of all time” and trolls the third person because of her mediocrity. So is it correct to say that society is more worried about mediocrity than misogyny?

Psychologist/Counselor/Therapist or Psychiatrist: Whom should you consult in the time of need?

Note: This post is based on my personal experiences and I could be wrong.

If you are feeling suicidal, I would suggest you go to a Psychiatrist. Medicines are sometimes important for our mental health, so please don’t think twice about this. Psychologists/Counselors/Therapists don’t have the authority to prescribe medicines.

If you are someone who wants to work on your issues in detail, then I would suggest you to visit a counselor/therapist. Psychiatrists are not trained in counseling.

If your issues are complex and you want a long-term solution, then I would suggest you to visit a Psychiatrist AND a Psychologist. These days, there are clinics which have a psychiatrist and a psychologist/counselor/therapist.

If you don’t sense an immediate danger to your mental health and yet, you have issues, then first visit a Counselor/Therapist. He/She will direct you to a Psychologist/Psychiatrist if needed.

Psychologist, Therapist and Counselor seem similar but there are distinctions. Please google and read up on their roles.

Be careful while choosing mental health professionals. Like every other profession, there are people who won’t give a fuck about you. Stop going to such people. Use your intuition and rationality to determine whether a mental health professional is empathetic.Remember that at the end of the day, they are human beings, not magicians.

Not everybody can afford to go to a mental health professional. If you don’t have the money, then please consult a NGO. There are NGOs which offer free counseling. There are suicide helplines too.

Do not hesitate to seek help. Don’t care about society’s perception of mental health professionals.

 

Why I don’t listen to Michael Jackson and Why Johnny Depp is not my favorite actor anymore

There was a time when I used to force myself to keep the artist and the art separate. My heart always felt that it was wrong but somehow, I used rationality to convince myself to listen and watch artists who have been accused of child sexual abuse, domestic violence, etc. But now when I listen to the English retro station and hear Michael Jackson, I immediately close the tab or my ears. Whenever I hear praises about Johnny Depp (Who was my favorite actor at one point of time) or Woody Allen, I cringe. It’s true that the art is always greater than the artist but it is kind of impossible to separate the two. Art is not rational and human beings are emotional beings.

You might ask, “where is the proof? How do you know that the accusations are not false?”. My answer is that it’s okay if I miss out on one of the greatest pieces of art because of the accusations. Humanity is more important than art. A piece of art that has been created by a man/woman who has done some inhumane things is anyway not worth my time.

Parents are not Gods

“Worshiping your parents” is dangerous because it discourages us from questioning our parents (which is REALLY important). It is dangerous because the kids grow up and expect their kids to worship them. It is dangerous because it enables many parents to abuse their children. It is dangerous because many parents manipulate and emotionally blackmail their children. It is dangerous because many parents bully their children. It is dangerous because it turns parents into narcissists. Our parents are not Gods. They are human beings with flaws and limitations. Respect and love your parents but don’t be fanatical about them!

To old people who criticize ‘today’s music’

To old people who criticize ‘today’s music’: Many a times, your criticism has got nothing to do with the music itself. We all want to go back to our childhood and adolescent days. If you ask me, I would say that the 90’s music was better than today’s music but that’s because I have some amazing memories associated with it. Objectively speaking, every generation produces good music but we tend to be biased towards the music we grew up to and it is understandable. Childhood and adolescence is a time when we experience many things for the first time in our life (e.g friendship, love, heartbreak etc) and the music that we listened to was an expression of our emotions. Instead of criticizing ‘today’s’ music, we should respect each generation’s need and right to express itself. Let’s stop bullying the younger generation by saying stuff like, “today’s music is crap”.

Rebuilding habits

Some habits are unable to stand the test of time. Due to changes in life, it is difficult to sustain good habits. So how do we get back to them? I’m trying to find answers to this question and it seems that there is no magic formula. Since we are back to square one, we have to start rebuilding, step by step. I guess, there is no point in aiming for big things when we have totally given up the habit. We have to start doing small things to get back to the old times. This can be a painful process but if we had cultivated some really good habits, then we will realize that habits (both good and bad ones) don’t die easily. It’s up to us to cultivate them again. We also have to learn to enjoy the process of building habits.

The problem with ‘Baahubali: The Conclusion’

‘Baahubali: The Conclusion’ is a nice movie but there are places where the message of ‘women empowerment’ feels like a joke.

Examples:
1. Devasena, who epitomizes a strong, independent woman, says things like, “Why are you hiding in the back like women?” In other words, she wants men to stop acting like women (women=weak). This is a classic example of internalized misogyny.
2. The arrows of Devasena have a pink color on them while the arrows of Amarendra Baahubali have blue color. This is a classic example of gender stereotyping.
3. At the end of the day,  Devasena has no identity of her own. Just like Avantika in ‘Baahubali: The Beginning’ (click), Devasena begins her journey as an independent, strong woman but is ultimately defined by her relationship with men (girlfriend, wife, mother). It is all about Baahubali, his kingdom, his child, his strength and his revenge.

What to expect from therapy/counseling

Your counselor/therapist is not your friend.He/She is a professional who is there to help you. He/She is not a magician. He/She cannot ‘transform’ your life overnight. He/She doesn’t have all the answers. His/her word is not the last word. He/She is a human being with flaws and limitations. It takes effort from both parties to build a healthy relationship and like any relationship, it requires time, patience, understanding and adjustments. Be practical and set realistic goals with your therapist/counselor. Not all counselors are empathetic, though. There are some insensitive therapists  who invalidate your feelings.