Self-obsession is a state where you try to prove that you are superior to others. You are driven by fear and you feel that you ‘must’ do something to feel worthy (e.g. I must prove that I’m masculine). Since you are too afraid of losing your superior status, you are not self-aware as self-awareness exposes your flaws. Your ‘self’ is actually an image constructed by the society and you try to protect it.
Self-respect is a state where you try to prove that you are an equal. You are somewhat aware of your self: your strengths as well as your weaknesses. But you don’t go too deep as your ‘self’ in this case, is partially constructed by the society and if this self gets tarnished (which is inevitable when you notice your own flaws due to self-awareness), your self-image may fall apart. You always have to assert yourself.
Self-love is a state where you realize that comparison can be made only at a surface level. Deep down, everyone is unique and incomparable. You are self-aware and not afraid to notice your own dark side. And when this happens, you cannot be violent (towards others or yourself) because violence is a product of defending images that are given by others and it also stems from the assumption that the world is against you. People are violent because they think that they love themselves when in reality, they are just obsessed. Self-love along with self-awareness makes you realize that deep inside, you are your own enemy.
(inspired by Berlin Art Parasites)