I want to laugh at you. I want you to feel ashamed of who you are. I want you to feel terrible. I want you to know that I’m glad I am not like you. Nobody wants to be you. Not a single human being. I am normal, you are not. That makes me feel happy. It’s not because I’m a bad person. It’s because I’m afraid of pain.
When I laugh at you, I compare your state with mine. There was a time when I felt ashamed for no fault of mine. It hurt. It hurt like hell. I felt as if I’m an untouchable. I felt as if I’m the weirdest person on this planet. Now, when I laugh at you, I feel a sense of relief. If your shame is more than my shame, then it is a proof that I’m not the most weirdest person on this planet. Atleast there is somebody who is worse than me. That would save me from my pain. If your failure is more embarrassing than mine, I would feel less embarrassed and ashamed.
When I was not accepted, I felt like an alien, a freak. When I exclude others, I feel that I belong somewhere.
Shame makes me feel powerless. But when I’m shaming you, I am relieved: I don’t have to be always the victim. My obsession with power stems from my powerlessness.
My cunning laughter and insensitive memes has got nothing to do with you. It’s about my shame and my pain. I’m just searching for evidence to prove that I’m not disgusting.