A Bollywood actress committed suicide and reports suggest that one of the reasons was the tension between her boyfriend and her. I don’t know who is right or who is wrong but what’s sad is the judgement about a person’s decision to end her life.

There are a bunch of people shaming the actress because she took her life for a man. They advise young girls to stop being ‘weak’ and focus on their career and stop obsessing about relationships. I read this post somewhere where the writer questioned the actress’ actions by saying that she had worked with the biggest stars in Bollywood and she should have been grateful for that. But instead of looking at the bright side, she threw her life away. These messages can be very motivating for some but they are kind of cruel. I will confess something: I actually had a similar opinion some years back but not anymore.

What I find problematic is this idea that you can know the other person completely. That you can know her limitations and strengths. How do you know what the other person is going through? Sure, you can get a good idea through that person’s actions, but at the end of the day, you cannot really know the other person.

Secondly, atleast for me, comparing my life with less fortunate ones has NEVER made me happy. Don’t get me wrong. I just read the news that Saudi women will be voting for the first time and I can never understand the kind of lives they live. But using their example to be grateful for my life doesn’t work for me. It is good to remember that you are privileged but remembering how fortunate you are cannot be your only weapon against something as serious as depression. Why are we so biased against mental illness? If you think it is cruel for somebody to suggest a person on wheelchair to get up and run a marathon then why is it not cruel to expect somebody who is not able to find any meaning in life to just ‘be strong?’

Also, just because you work with superstars doesn’t mean your life will be perfect and free of problems. Ironically, the person who wrote the criticism against the actress was giving ‘gyaan’ about being practical and not believing in ‘ideal’ relationships.

Thirdly, this whole idea about life being sacred. Certainly, life is precious. But some people just can’t find anything positive no matter how hard they try. Whether or not they should end their life is another debate but judging those who don’t find life precious is kind of insensitive. It’s like putting a gun on the head and asking them to love life.

There are a LOT of factors that affect a person’s decisions and mental condition. Every battle cannot be won by ‘positive’ thinking and gratitude.

By judging those who cannot find anything positive in life, you are actually proving them right. Who would want to live in a world where everybody around them is ready to give unsolicited advice and judge them harshly?

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10 thoughts on “People who want to die don’t need your judgement

  1. I totally agree with what you said there. Sometimes I feel the same way when I have my dark hours …. Some days I can’t see something productive … Some days I can’t n I don’t think it’s my fault. Nor should I be judged for that. Maybe I am sick. Maybe I do need help.

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  2. A very good way to express it all. I am a psychology student as well and I completely understand depression is not a joke. You can’t say “be strong” and depression just vanishes. However, I have seen patients with this disorder as well and one of the hardest battle is always whether they themselves accept it or not. Usually these patients are in denial and does not accept that they need help and proper medication. I assume that she never actually accepted that she had issues and that she needed help but then again, as you’ve said, we can only assume. So I won’t blame her nor her boyfriend. I am neutral in this regard and I do not want to think about it. But yes, depression needs proper treatment and the person himself/herself need to accept that they need help.

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  3. Even Hemingway and Robin Williams killed themselves, and I can’t think of people who lead better lives than them.

    We’re fine with people not liking our favorite ice cream, but we’re somehow shocked that a person finds his life unfulfilling. Why? It’s time to stop telling people what to think. It’s time to stop suicide prevention campaigns (which are all shaming campaigns anyway). It’s time to make assisted suicide available for anyone who wishes.

    We did not choose to be born. We at least deserve a painless way to die when we want. Life isn’t sacred.

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      1. We have to do away with them. Suicide prevention campaigns are shaming the suicidal and only makes them hide.
        So long as we think suicide should be prevented, we’re demonizing these people despite the fact they’re not out to harm anyone.

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      2. Hmmm, I think we can try to prevent suicide without shaming people. I support some form of suicide prevention because making suicide an easy option is not a good idea. As members of society, we will think about the future generations. Having said that, torturing people to live is not an idea I support as well.For me, the answer lies somewhere in between. I guess, we need a more compassionate world…more than anything.

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