Shame is often used to control and manipulate people. When somebody shames you, you either
1) hate the person who has shamed you and refuse to change
2) believe that the person is speaking the truth and change yourself
3) ignore him/her
4) see if you find anything useful in what that person is saying and move on
Sometimes you opt for a combination of all the four things. But if you decide to do any one of the first two things, you end up becoming miserable because in case of pt.1, you are putting in so much energy towards hating a person, which probably means that you secretly feel that he/she is right. However, you are not going to give into the crap, so you hate him/her and at the same time, you believe he/she is right. So, in this case, that person has power over you. The same thing happens in point 2 as well because in this case too, the other person has so much power over you.
So if you don’t change, you feel like a loser because you can’t get the person out of your mind. But if you win i.e. if you change yourself successfully, you still feel like a loser.. you hate yourself for doing what somebody else has told you to do. Either way, you feel like a loser. But wait..you wanted to change because you didn’t want to feel like a loser!
Society respects women who are submissive and obedient, right? Those who are not obedient are shamed. So, to feel less shameful, you become obedient..but then, you feel ashamed because you are so obedient! So if you ‘win’ this game and become more obedient, you lose it because you hate yourself for being a slave. If you ‘lose’ this game, you feel ashamed because women who march to the beat of their own drum are shamed by the society.
Is it possible to win this game?