I was watching an interview of Kangana Ranaut, where she was asked about her sister Rangoli, an acid attack survivor. Kangana said that in India, people feel ashamed when they fail/ are rejected. Men and women are not taught the concept of consent. When a woman says ‘no’ to a man, he doesn’t have the tools to cope with it. I think Kangana is right. We are taught that men’s worth comes from how ‘successful’ they are at controlling women, environment and money. If a woman says no to a man, he thinks he is an unworthy person. How can a woman, an inferior being, reject him? Isn’t it shameful? And society encourages him to feel this way by mocking him. If you cannot ‘get’ a girl, then you are not a man.
In a patriarchal society, there is always one narrow definition of success. Patriarchy is about control and shame is an effective tool to achieve this goal. Needless to say, a society like this will shame any relationship or any idea or a person that is/who is different. That’s the reason why homosexuality, disability or any new definition of success are shamed. Go through the comments section of any feminist article and you will see many men and women shaming feminists with such intensity that it almost feels as if they are afraid. But it’s not just about feminists. Since childhood, we are taught that people from lower-income groups are ‘inferior’. That people who have a lot of sex are ‘morally inferior’ to those who abstain from it. If we want to insult someone, we link them to people who are suffering from mental illness or those who have low IQ. Society, in short, gives you respect if you prove that someone is inferior to you. In such an atmosphere, there is enormous pressure to ‘win’ the competition, in the areas of academics or salary packages or women (as they are also objects). But like Osho says, only a person who feels inferior wishes to be superior to others. Your determination to prove your superiority is a perpetuating cycle. You want to feel superior because you feel ashamed of being inferior. But even if you become a superior person, your superiority depends on somebody else’s inferiority and the awareness of your dependence on an inferior person makes you feel ashamed.