What do you do when somebody tells you that you are worthless? If you are like most people, you get entangled in shame and approval-seeking behavior. You will try, in various ways, to prove that you are worthy. If you consider ‘fat’ an insult, you will try to lose weight. If you feel that being anything less than a millionaire is worthless, then you will try to earn more and more money. However, those who feel worthless, NEVER feel worthy, no matter what they do. Some people successful lose weight, but the feeling of worthlessness takes over some other area of their life. For a long time, I believed that this is the way things work when you feel worthless. But I believe I missed out on something vital.

From my own personal experience (maybe it’s just me), I have observed that that there is a contradictory idea in the mind of a person who tries hard to prove his worth. On one hand, he is always seeking approval from people but on other hand, he is unconsciously trying to become worthless. This might sound bizarre but the mind is rebellious. So on one hand you want to be a successful person in the eyes of other people but on other hand you want to fail because that’s the only way to prove that others don’t have power over you. This is a way to prove that you are free and tell yourself that nobody can define your worth. Unfortunately, by rebelling so much against people’s opinion about you and people’s ideas, you ARE making them more powerful than you. You may not have proved yourself as per their standards but you are STILL under their control. And this is not freedom. The people who care a lot about what others think are sometimes the ones who do exactly what people don’t like…to satisfy their rebellious minds. People who don’t want to be called ‘fat’ are sometimes unconsciously trying to stay fat because losing weight would prove that others have power over them (This concept in explored in the book ‘Fat is a feminist issue‘).

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