​I always equated worrying with caring. The more worried you are about someone, the more you care about the person, right? But there seems to be a thin line beyond which worry becomes self-serving.

If someone you know is in pain or in danger then it is natural for us to worry. A person in pain or in danger is obviously in a powerless situation. By excessively worrying about the person, aren’t you adding to the feeling of powerlessness? Also, there is another problem here. A person in pain already has a lot of burden. If you start excessively worrying about the person to the point that you are no longer in control of your thoughts, then aren’t you actually putting more burden on him? The last thing you want to do is make him feel guilty or sorry for sharing his worries with you. The last thing you want is him to worry about YOUR worry about his worry…but this is exactly what happens!
Sometimes, excessive worry turns into manipulation. We start believing that the only thing we have to do to help people is worry and ruminate about their problems, endlessly. But sometimes thinking is not enough. Sometimes, we need to take some action and to do that, we have to have some control on our thoughts and emotions. In other words, (sometimes) we have to worry a little less if we really love someone.


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