We do the opposite of what we actually want?

I noticed a pattern in my relationships (by relationships, I mean *all* kinds of relationships not just romantic ones). I always hung out with people who *I* thought were less than me: whether it was in academics, social status or talent. I don’t know how accurate I am at understanding my own self but my guess is that I like hanging out with people who *I* think are morally inferior than me. I will complain about their lack of sensitivity and ethics but deep down, I feel good. Of course, this was not the only reason why I hang out with them but it is certainly a strong reason. This was/is not conscious. What’s interesting is that when these people treat me as someone who is superior to them, I start hating them (after the initial ego boost of course). This is how I think:

Oh, so they love me because I score more marks/I am more talented than them. What if I scored less? Their love is conditional! This is not nice. They are not my true friends!

In this article from School Of Life (click), the writer says that we want people who will be there for us during tough times. We know that the most fulfilling friendships are those that allow us to be open about our deepest fears, our embarrassments, our dark sides etc. Vulnerability is life and if we cannot be our vulnerable selves in front of our loved ones then what’s the point of relationships? But we do the opposite: we try everything we can do hide our vulnerabilities and then complain about unfulfilled relationships!

Most of us are busy presenting only our good side. With social media, the images are crafted more shrewdly (okay, human beings were always like this, social media just exposed it). We are so careful about our images that we are afraid of making mistakes or failing. Ironically, we want friends who won’t shame us when we fail. Why do we do this? Is it because we are convinced that we can never get such friends and hence, we have to impress our friends and family all the time (just like the way we try to impress strangers)?

Of course, strangers need to impress each other before they become friends but we are talking about making an impression at the cost of authenticity.

When did you feel at home? When you were accepted for who you were, right? So let me get this straight. This is your strategy: You want to find someone who loves you as you are. Who loves your weirdness. And you want to do that by being something you are not? In other words, you want someone to like your weirdness even though you try your best to hide it?

We are basically afraid of situations where we will be shamed or feel embarrassed or fail and yet, deep down, we want to be in such situations because this is the only way to test those who claim to be our true friends?

Why I love/’hate’ my parents

Dear Parent(s),*

Let me confess this. Even though I cringe when you gossip or trade your authenticity for society’s ‘respect’ or brag about the hypocritical Indian culture, I secretly feel good when you do all this. I feel good when I realize that you are bigoted. I feel good when I encounter proof of your bad parenting.

If you are a bad, insensitive, inauthentic, bigoted human being, it means you are morally inferior than me (I am of course a ‘good’ person!). I want to feel superior to you because that’s the only way I can convince myself that your opinion about me doesn’t matter. If you are morally inferior, then I don’t have to feel bad about you not liking me. The more I say that I hate you, the more I actually want your appreciation. Deep down, I am afraid that you are not as bad as I portray you to be. This is my way of hiding the truth…from you and myself. This is my way of dealing with rejection. I reject you before you reject me. This is also a way of blaming you so that I don’t have to take any responsibility of my life.

*I guess you can replace parents with anybody you ‘hate.’

Why I troll celebrities…

Thank God. I know I am not special but *atleast* I’m not as mediocre as you. I am not famous but *atleast* I am not a sell-out like you. The world respects you but I know that I can write/sing/paint better than you. You know what are the most important things in art? Purity. Excellence. I am not desperate for appreciation like you. I patiently wait for a day when my intentions will be pure. Then I will create real art. Until then, I will criticize your work and your life choices.

I attack you because I’m afraid of admitting the truth. The truth is that I’m actually jealous of you. No, I’m not jealous of your work. I’m actually jealous of your courage. It takes a lot of guts to put your work in public domain. If I fail, only few people will laugh at me but if you fail, the whole world will laugh at you. You are open to feeling vulnerable and I’m not capable of doing that.

It’s not about you. It’s about my unrealized potential.

Inside the mind of a narcissist (Part II)

Read the first part here

As you already know, I’m a narcissist. I like talking about myself. I often feel that the world revolves around me. Yeah, I write and talk about other things but inside, I’m just dying to talk about myself.

Sometimes, I treat people like pawns on a chessboard. I treat them like objects whose purpose is just to serve me. I don’t really care about other people’s dreams, needs and desires. No, I don’t directly dismiss their dreams or needs, I do it in a very clever and subtle manner. Somewhere, I feel that I am special and others are just ordinary. After a lot of self-analysis, I feel that narcissism is actually not a lack of interest in other people. This is contrary to what we generally think about narcissism but my personal experience as a narcissist has brought me to a different conclusion.

As a narcissist, I consider most people stupid because if they are not stupid, I would feel inferior (please read my earlier post to understand this better). For many years, I tried to deal with this inferiority complex by hanging out with people who were less intelligent/talented than me or people whose social status was lower than me. I even joined a workplace which I thought was full of people who were less talented than me. YES, I’m NOT lying. If I had to go to a shop and if there were two options: one a very sophisticated one and the other a ordinary one, I would go to the ordinary one. Why? In case I end up doing something embarrassing (Say mispronouncing a word), I could atleast say to myself that this place was full of ordinary people and what they think of me won’t matter. I was so afraid of pain and shame that I had to wear this armor of superiority all the time. I STILL do this/feel like this.

Here’s the truth about all this superiority game: IT DOESN’T WORK. No matter how ‘inferior’ I thought somebody was, if he/she said something mean, IT HURT ME. Isn’t this a proof that deep down, we respect the opinion of each and every human being regardless of how much money they have in their bank account? You can try this for yourself. Don’t you get hurt when complete strangers whisper and laugh at you? Don’t you have doubts in your mind? A narcissist wants to feel superior but deep down this need comes from the fear that we all are equal!

Yes, I am a narcissist and on surface, it seems as if I am not interested in your dreams or needs. But this is not the truth. I’m actually terrified of finding out that I am incapable of fulfilling your desires. I often act superior to my friends (in my mind). I act as if only my life is special. But I finally know why I do this: it’s because I’m afraid that my friends will exclude me. I’m afraid that I cannot be a great friend. I’m afraid that my friends won’t like me. To save myself from this fear and pain, I act as if other people’s lives are ordinary. As a defense mechanism, I act as if I am not interested in your life because I’m actually afraid that I AM NOT INTERESTING enough to fit into your group. I’m afraid that my life is not interesting enough. Even though I say that my life is special..I actually think that you are the one who is having a special life. What if the people who we think are ‘arrogant assholes’ are simply people trying to avoid shame and pain of exclusion from a group? Maybe, we all have a genuine interest in each others’ lives! Maybe, deep down we all believe that we all are equal…otherwise, why would we aggressively try to prove that we are superior to others?

I don’t know if every narcissist’s mind works like this. But this is what I found when I looked inside myself. Yes, even while writing this, my narcissism was quite active but like Dr.Brene Brown says, the more you talk about shameful things, the less powerful they become.

Inside the mind of a narcissist

After a lot of self-analysis, I came to a conclusion that there is a narcissist inside me. Now, there is an narcissist inside each and everyone of us but I’m talking about those whose narcissism is on the higher side. Before I write anything further, I want to give you few reasons why you should read this post. I’m sure that you must have encountered narcissists in your own life or maybe, you are one. Narcissists are not always those 5 selfies a day, arrogant and abusive kind of people. Yes, such people are narcissists but there are many other types. Some people are passive and show it in an indirect way. My narcissism is of a subtle kind (atleast most of the times). I hope that this post will help you in understanding these people. This is my personal experience and by no means am I saying that this is the only way narcissists think. And do remember: human beings are biased especially when it comes to analyzing themselves so take it with a pinch of salt.

While writing the above paragraph, I felt very good because when you are honest, people like it and there is a possibility of people admiring you (on the other hand, I’m also very afraid..this side of me is shameful. How can someone like a narcissist?). As a narcissist, that’s exactly I want. I’m always hungry for adulation. Now, not everything I do is because of this motive but everything I do, gets tainted with this motive.

I feel the need to be superior to others. Even my friends. Because I believe that if I’m not superior to them, they won’t like me or stay with me. This is ironical because who will stay with a person who treats them like an inferior? It’s even more ironical because there is a part of me that wants to love people..but how can I do that if I am hell bent in proving that I’m superior to them?

I will tell you why I want to feel superior to everybody. Please don’t think that I’m justifying my behavior and my thinking.

I want to feel superior because I feel inferior. I am afraid of being treated like an inferior so I convince myself that I’m superior. Confusing, right? Let’s say I’m meeting you for the first time. There is uncertainty because obviously, I don’t know you. You can hurt me. You can make me feel ashamed. To avoid this pain and shame, I convince myself (even before I know you) that you are inferior than me. Now, if you are inferior, then what you say won’t count because…you are inferior. In case, you treat me like an inferior, ridicule me or shame me, I can reduce my pain by just saying to myself that you are just an inferior person. This is a defense mechanism my ego has built to protect me from pain and vulnerability. Here’s the truth: I actually don’t think you are inferior. I’m just afraid that you might treat me as an inferior. So, all the irritating and offensive behavior is actually nothing but a strategy to deal with pain. For example: As an introvert, I’m afraid of extroverts calling me ‘boring.’ Since there are many extroverts around me, I convince myself that it is THEY who lead boring lives. I’m so afraid of people calling me ‘boring’ that I call them ‘boring’ (in my mind) before they have any chance to call me so. Another example: If a friend watched Bollywood cinema, I will watch Hollywood cinema and if they watch Hollywood cinema, I will watch world cinema..to feel superior.

If narcissists become famous then they will feel superior to a lot of people and if they are superior to a lot of people, there is a less possibility of people hurting them.

This is what I know about my narcissism. It is actually quite embarrassing to admit all this but wait…I can get praise for this as well :P. On a serious note, if you know a narcissist, maybe, he/she thinks like me. If that is the case, then you can talk to him/her and maybe find a way to make your relationship work. If a narcissist has made you feel inferior, maybe, this post can help you to deal with your pain. I hope this post has helped you in some way. Thanks for reading (waiting for additional praise for being nice :P)!

If you love extremes, you love your comfort zone!

One might think that going to the extreme requires us to do uncomfortable things. But thinking in extremes is also a great way to live in your comfort zone. In fact, those who think in extremes are trying to avoid pain and discomfort and it is easy to miss this ego trick.

If you label a person (let’s call her ‘X’) as only ‘good’ then what you are saying is that she cannot do anything bad. On the other side of the extreme, if you label X as only ‘bad’ you are convinced that she will never do anything good. Look at the trick here: In both the cases, YOU don’t have to do anything. When you decide that X is good, you can comfortably avoid the pain of knowing that X is not always good. When you decide that X is bad, you don’t have to make an effort to notice the good things in her and then, deal with the pain that comes from knowing that even a bad person is capable of doing good. Imagine a scenario: Let’s say that X hurts you. Now, you want to stand up against her but you come to know that X helps many underprivileged children in her spare time. It would be extremely difficult for you to stand up against her because now you know the good side of her! If only you didn’t have this information, you would have easily labeled her as a villain and fought a self righteous battle against her! When you encounter both good and bad, your freeze because you feel guilty for hurting a person who is doing good things. To avoid ambiguity, we take comfort in extremes.

This is the reason why it is very common in our culture to pick one extreme like ‘positive’ thinking or “Media is shit” and condemn the other side. Remember this: whenever somebody has an extreme opinion, he/she is just trying to avoid pain. There are short tempered people who say that from tomorrow, they will not get angry. And there are people who say that they are angry and there’s nothing wrong in always hurting others. There are people who say that “Money is evil” and “Greed is good.” Hating money shows that you are uncomfortable about it. Obsessing about money shows that you don’t want to make an effort to appreciate other things in life. There are also extremes like “Family is everything” and “Career is everything.” If family is everything then you don’t have to make an effort to like your boring job or improve your skills. If career is everything then you don’t have to make an effort to build relationships. When there is outrage against criminals, you don’t really have to do anything, you just have to shout. Notice how the outrage against someone else hides your own flaws? At the same time, if you just say that what’s the point of standing up against injustice when you are also flawed then aren’t you again avoiding the difficult job of speaking up?This kind of thinking is popular because it massages the ego which doesn’t want you to move out of your comfort zone.

Most people avoid exploring their shadow selves because there is a lot of comfort in not knowing your dark side!

Travel Diaries: Fear of Madness/Disability/Dependency

I was thinking about things that disturb me and I realized that I often avoid watching films about mental illness or physical disability. Schizophrenia or Cerebral Palsy or any other mental/physical disability have been the central themes of many films and I have watched some of the films but their remains a fear deep down. I suppress this fear because madness is something that has always had a negative connotation. It is very common for people to say things like, “Are you mad?” and the one who is at the receiving end is expected to be embarrassed. I have to admit that I have also used madness as an insult and yes, I’m a hypocrite. I have often spoken about how some people use ‘pity’ as a weapon to feel superior to mentally/ physically disabled people and the truth is that somewhere, I too do the same. I feel relieved that I’m not mad or disabled because somewhere deep down, I feel ashamed of these things. I know that I am coming across as a mean and insensitive person but that part of me that wants to respect is “who I want to be.” Who I am is what I just wrote. If you are someone who is suffering from the things that I mentioned above or parent/spouse/friend/relative/employer of such a person, I would request you to explore the reasons why a person thinks like this. Many people think this way so maybe it’s not a bad idea to understand their psychology. You must have noticed that I have written ‘disability’ instead of ‘differently abled’ because I want to be honest about how I feel. At the moment, I’m a mean person who pretends that there’s nothing abnormal about these people but this is a mask that I wear to hide my belief that I’m superior to these people.

I feel that human beings are more disturbed by visible than the invisible. We are more likely to sympathize with a physically disabled person than someone who is suffering from depression. The reason is that we cannot ‘see’ depression. We feel outraged or disturbed by things that makes the invisible things in us, visible. For example: We feel disturbed by beggars. We often use the word ‘beggar’ as an insult. But here’s the truth that might offend you: We all are beggars in our own way. We often enter relationships because we are needy. When someone physically represents our mental being, we get disturbed. The reason why I (and maybe others who are like me) get disturbed by those who are physically/mentally disable is that they represent a truth: we ALL are disabled. It’s just that most people’s disabilities are not visible or clearly recognizable. Like I wrote in the past, society is biased. We don’t worry about those who are corrupt but we stigmatize those who suffer from something that they have no control over. This brings me to the next reason: control and power. Osho once said that when we have a cold or fever, we don’t feel embarrassed but when we have a mental problem, we feel ashamed. Is it because of an assumption that we can control our minds? Physical/mental disability is something that are not completely in your control. And human beings always want to control everything. When we see the physical representation of destiny, we get disturbed. We are control freaks. Loss of control could lead to pain and as we have already seen, pain is something that we all suppress. But the truth is we cannot really control much. The irony here is that those who are supposedly in ‘control’ of their lives are the ones who gossip, complain about things. When you complain, you are basically saying that you don’t have control or power!

According to me, one of the biggest reasons why we are afraid of madness or disability is dependency. I often get disturbed when my grandmother holds my hand while walking because I’m afraid: someday, I would have to do the same! I want to visit old age homes but I’m afraid because the sickness and weakness scares me. Being dependent scares me. But here’s the truth that might shock you: You are NEVER independent. Being independent is an illusion. The core pillar of society is dependence. Children and old people are not the only dependents. Your boss can fire you. Your consumers’ demand may fall. A psychopath can murder your wife or throw acid on your daughter’s face. A terrorist can bomb the train you are traveling in. Your neighbor might forget to switch off her gas. What if we all became independent? There would be no need for society. You make a living i.e. you are financially independent because someone out there is dependent on your service. And someone else is making a living because YOU are dependent on him or her. There is NOTHING shameful about dependence. We are alive because of dependence! All relationships are possible because of dependence. Old age/physical or mental disability are once again just a physical representation of this dependence and that’s why we run away from them.

I realized that I haven’t been able to move beyond the disabilities. There is SO MUCH more to disabled people than their disability. Even they have a lot of gifts to share. Old age is not just about taking. It is scary but the on the brighter side, there is also wisdom (ok, not all old people are wise). There is a joy in nurturing young people and old ones have the chance to be mentors. Madness might be scary but there is a lot of richness in that chaotic inner world.

The next time I watch movies like ‘A Beautiful Mind’ or ’15 Park Avenue’ I will remember that I’m not afraid of the characters. I’m afraid of something that exists inside me. When I feel superior to people who I think are flawed, I will remember that I’m merely projecting my own shadow self onto them. If you are one of those people who have been hurt by society’s insensitivity, remember that the ridicule or the shame has got nothing to do with YOU.

Travel Diaries: Fear of death

I have never really thought seriously about about the death of my loved ones. Occasionally, when there is a serious health issue, I of course get worried but thinking about death as an absolute fact is something that I have never done. This scares the hell out of me and that is why, I chose this place to travel in my attempt to meet my shadow self.

I have read somewhere that every kind of fear in our lives can be traced back to the fear of death.I always used to think that people are more worried about their reputation, their egos than death. But I guess, even ego is something that we build because of the fear of death. What is ego? It is knowledge about ourselves and the universe that we think is accurate. You know that there is a God up there (or you know that there is no God). If what you know about yourself and the universe is considered ‘wrong’ by others, you feel threatened. What if they are right? You won’t be able to control the negative thoughts that will flood your head. You have to reprogram your entire belief system. If you are wrong, then someday, you might make a mistake because of your wrong beliefs. In some cases, you might have sacrificed something for your beliefs (for example you sacrificed pleasure for a ticket in heaven and you find out that there is no heaven!) and if you are wrong then you are missing out on all the fun. If you discover that then you will feel pain. What if the pain is too overwhelming? What if you go into depression? What if you go mad? How will you hold a job then? All this is a threat to your survival i.e. you are afraid of death. Ego is therefore an armor that you wear.

Our over-attachment to our loved ones is also related to fear of death. Even here, we are afraid that we might lose control of ourselves. The kind of thoughts that we would have to deal with are no less than a dangerous physical disease. All this disrupts our normal way of functioning.

Obsession with fame is also related to fear of death. You are afraid of being a nobody and death  reduces us to dust. This is unbearable to some and hence, they want to ‘leave’ behind something that will exist even after their deaths. The need to control your children is also fear of death. You want the coming generations to embrace your beliefs.

But the fear of death is related to life. If you haven’t exactly ‘lived’ your life, you would be afraid of the clock. But isn’t it funny? We don’t live life because we are afraid of death but we are afraid of death because we haven’t really lived our lives the way we wanted to?

To be very honest, I am more afraid of the death of my loved ones than I am of my own death (This is all theory of course. Who knows how I will behave on my death bed?). Like everybody else, the very thought of losing someone who is so close to you is unbearable to me. But there is nothing that can change this truth. I was thinking of ways of dealing with this. Can you we reduce the pain somehow? Can we prepare for it in advance? We can build defenses, we can deny the truth but when it happens, nothing and absolutely nothing can help us. Theories, plans, security…everything is hogwash. To me, there is only one option: Surrender.

I had a close encounter with death once and what I have learned from it is that when you are close to dying, you completely surrender. All the social masks, all the worries about what others think of you..all disappear. You truly let go. Maybe, reminding ourselves about the certainty of death is the only way to make friends with our shadow selves.

Travel Diaries: My taste is better than yours!

There is a lot of bullying in the areas like art, literature, music etc. Those who like bestsellers or anything mainstream are considered stupid and inferior. While I don’t deny the lack of critical thinking in anything that is ‘mass’ produced, I don’t like the idea of people being shamed for what they like or do not like. Art is subjective and no one can decide what is ‘good’ for you. It’s YOUR life! As I am traveling to the place where my shadow self resides (read my earlier posts here and here), I realized that I have repressed something that is an integral part of my life.

In my college days, I started reading because no one read and that gave me a chance to stand out. But this is half truth. I LIKED reading. But as college progressed, others started reading as well. And I felt as if the only thing that made me different (in a positive way) was taken away. So I started reading ‘better’ books. These books were not bestsellers, they were critically acclaimed. Again, I LIKED these books. But I needed BOTH: the bestsellers as well as the ones that encourage you to question everything. This habit spread in other areas as well. To be very honest, when I exercise or walk, I like listening to mainstream music. But in other times, I like music that is meaningful. If you ask me, I cannot choose: I need both! Since I was ashamed of my liking for mainstream music, I made sure that no one caught me while listening to it! Hence this became a part of my shadow self. I suppressed these ‘inferior’ tastes of mine.

Who decides what is ‘good’ music or a ‘good’ book? I listen to mainstream music because this was an integral part of my childhood and whenever I listen to it, I go back to those times. It makes me happy. Why should I apologize for something that makes me happy? Sure, it might have stupid lyrics but the funny thing is that inspires me when I’m stuck. At the same time, why do I need to feel superior for liking meaningful music? Imagine a world where there is only one genre of music or literature? How boring! There are people who argue that mainstream music is not ‘pure.’ They will say that the music was not made with right intentions. First of all, everything in the world is corrupt and our intentions are no exception. And secondly, even if there is purity, how can you be sure if the artist has pure intentions? Let’s say the artist indeed has pure intentions..it only matters if it means something to ME! It doesn’t matter if the book that you read won the Nobel Prize..what matters is, has it made a contribution to YOUR life? Your life, your desires, your dreams, your memories are more important than the Oscars or the Grammys. If you seriously think that you need to be ‘right’ in the area of art then you are missing the point of art! Art is something personal. For me, art is a place where the things that you are ashamed of, things that make you feel like an outcast are embraced. NO ONE can decide what is right for you.

I feel very peaceful after accepting this ‘inferior’ side of me. I downloaded some stupid music yesterday and it co-exists with meaningful music. My small library is a place where bestsellers sit next to obscure books. I like Iron Man as well as that low budget Indie flick. My next step is to talk about this inferior taste with my friends and family so that the ‘shameful’ part becomes less powerful. This post is a part of the acceptance.

What are your ‘guilty’ pleasures when it comes to art? Why do you feel guilty about these pleasures? Do you talk about these things with others?

Travel Diaries: Fear of flawed heroes

As I promised in my last post, I’m on a journey to explore my dark side. I want to travel to places (inside myself) that make me extremely uncomfortable. Today, I meditated a lot on one of the things that scares me and one fear just stood out. I feel that almost everybody (especially Indians :P?) has this fear. The fear that our heroes, the ones who inspire us, might be flawed. I don’t know about you but this is one of my greatest fears.

Heroes are people who do things that we wish we did. It is this gap between us and the heroes that makes us worship them. They inspire us. We feel assured..if they can do it, then so can we.

However, some people take all this too seriously. They forget that their heroes are human beings and they are not here to make their followers happy. We turn them into a property and try to possess them. One mistake and we are ready to pounce on them. There are others who feel disillusioned. They are so sensitive that they are in absolute shock. Do you remember your childhood hero? If you found out that he/she has done something that didn’t match your image of him/her, what would be your reaction? I’m one of those people who tend to get very depressed. It takes a lot of time for me to overcome this shock. I had a mentor whom I really looked upto and one day, he cracked a rape joke. After some time, he cracked another. I just cut off all ties with him. This was something very serious but even if the ‘flaw’ is less serious I tend to get hurt. As I asked myself the reason for this behavior, I discovered that it was about control.

Basically, we all want to live life the way we want. Because of many reasons, we are unable to do so. Deep down, we suspect that the things that we consider impossible (in this case, living life the way we want) are possible. Heroes come into our lives and tell us that impossible is possible. Now, let’s pause here for a moment and talk about this. What does doing the impossible mean? Let’s say that you are a homosexual and you are afraid of coming out. You read about someone who bravely came out in a country like India where homosexuality is a crime. She is your hero. But you discover that she has bribed. Now this is heartbreaking for you. But my question is: why do we think that a human being can be flawless and only good? Is it because we are afraid of the dark side? If so, why? When we find out that our heroes are not flawless, it is a proof that they are unable to control everything in their lives, right? There are times, when situations or power or temptations control them. To put it in other words, there are two thoughts: one thought is of love and the other is of fear. We expect our heroes to always choose the thought of love (I will not bribe because it will harm others in the society) and win over the thought of fear (I cannot face the fear that comes from not bribing). We want to control their minds. The reason? We are unable to control the thoughts in our head. We are afraid of fear. But WHY do we want to control things in our heads? If things are going our way, we do not want to control things i.e. we don’t mind if we have great thoughts in our head. But if things are scary i.e. when negative thoughts crop up, we want to control them. That is why we are so obsessed with fearlessness. But the very desire to be fearless shows that we are afraid of being afraid. If you are truly fearless, why would you want to eliminate fear?

I will put it in other words:You are obsessed with controlling things. But why are you unable to control the need to control itself? You are worshiping your hero because you believe in doing the impossible. But if you really want to do the impossible, why are you not able to do the impossible task of accepting the reality of your hero? Your desperate need to control your hero’s actions shows that you are looking for ways to escape fearful situations.

We hear a lot of motivational speeches where people say stuff like, “Everything is possible!” For a long time, I struggled because I believed in this statement and others believed otherwise. But here’s a question that exposes the fear of fear that the statement hides: If everything is possible then why is it not possible to accept that some things are not possible for some people?

All of the above doesn’t just apply to heroes. It applies to every ‘ideal’ that we create. Conflicts happen when we form nice images and force others to confirm to those.