We are taught so many things at school but I wish we are taught the ways to handle vulnerability. Human beings, especially men, don’t want to be vulnerable because
a. It is seen as weakness
b. We are not equipped with skills to handle vulnerable situations.
So what happens when a Guru you revere turns out to be a rapist? Your entire world falls apart. Since you are not encouraged to cry, you resort to violence. There is also a blow to your ego: Since you followed someone who is actually a rapist, your choice is all wrong! This injury of ego and soul makes you extremely vulnerable
I was and probably still am an idealist. I believe in the power of love and have witnessed it, first-hand. But can love really conquer everything? Maybe the answer is both yes and no. If you think love as something magical which can change something/someone overnight then you might be disappointed. But if you look at love as something that you do, even when you don’t get any results for the longest time (even if you don’t get the results in this lifetime), then maybe, just maybe, the answer is yes. You cannot get your friend out of depression with (just) love. But what you can do is not judge him/her when he/she relapses. Your love is not a substitute for medication or therapy but it matters. You may not change the world with your love for a social cause but your love is a seed which will become a tree someday. It may not happen in this lifetime but sowing these seeds matter.
#Sarahah app reminds me of Elizabeth Gilbert ‘s four question Elizabeth Gilbert ‘s four question test (click) to decide whether or not you should trust someone. She says that a person who is unable to put forward criticism compassionately doesn’t deserve to be there is your life (and he/she shouldn’t judge your work as well). So if this is the criteria then Sarahah app is not a good idea. If you cannot disagree with/criticize your friend in a compassionate way then what is the point of your friendship? And if you can criticize your friend compassionately then why do you need the app? If you need to be anonymous to say something negative then you are probably saying something really nasty (or you are not a good friend). It’s tempting to read the “brutal truth” about us. In a culture which is designed to make us hate ourselves, this app can work against self-love.
We can learn a lot about a society by observing the way it treats children (after all, these children will be the future). A society which treats children as inferior beings who must obey adults and have to be “taught stuff” might have a lot of abusive families and corruption. A society that sees children as “investments” might have a lot of stress due to expectations from children. A society that doesn’t care about children’s books and films might become less imaginative and less empathetic. A society which treats children as equals, might see a lot more gender equality, peace and happiness. Parents who believe that they have a lot to learn from their children, parents who respect their children’s opinions/intuition might live a more meaningful life. Ultimately, it all comes down to how you treat someone who is less powerful than you.
P.S. Maybe this is the reason why Finland is one of the most happiest countries in the world. It has an education system that respects children.
No matter what happens today, you all are an inspiration to us. I have seen you playing World Cup matches in front of around 10 people in the stadium. I have read about female players who had to stay in hotel rooms with cockroaches. I have read about the battles you fight every day to be taken seriously. I have read about the sexism that you face everyday. I have read about your low salaries. I wonder what keeps you going. Then I saw your eyes and got my answer: It is your passion. Your passion for the game. Your passion for excellence. It is your passion that has got you through the dingy hotel rooms and the step-motherly treatment. I hope things get better for you all (and also the women’s cricket in general). All the best for the final!
They made fun of you. They refused to include you in their group. You didn’t fit anywhere. You came back from school, switched on your TV and found solace in the voice of a man who mostly sang depressing songs. Many mocked his band as it talked about the same thing in every damn song. But in a world where every second song is about romance and heartbreak, here was a band that wrote songs about insecurities and negativity. Yes, there are better singers than Chester Bennington. Yes, there are better bands than Linkin Park. But Linkin Park and Chester Bennington are special because they gave a voice to the misfits and the outcasts. Pop culture is full of “positive” messages and make-believe stuff. Just look at the “blockbuster” list and you will see that most films are about hope. To sing about despair in such a culture and become successful is no mean feat. You will be missed, Chester Bennington.
Scientists, dietitians, and doctors are also influenced by patriarchal culture.They are not Gods. They are subjective human beings who are conditioned by the society. A good example of this is the way some doctors fat-shame their patients.
Don’t be like religious fanatics! Be skeptical. Do your own research and be aware of bias. Remember that even the American Psychiatric Association and the American Psychological Association had once declared homosexuality as a disease!
Motivational quotes have their purpose but the problem is with people who use them to shame others/trivialize others’ problems. These people reduce success and courage to will power/motivation, which is pretty simplistic. They don’t take it account privilege, genes, environment, upbringing etc..which all play a role in determining a person’s destiny. No, you cannot snap out of depression by reading a motivational book. It is a complex issue and reducing it to lack of will power is insensitive.
“Aaja teri ch**t maroon, Tere sar se ch****y ka bhoot utaroon, Ch*****7 ke baad tujhe joote maroon, Tere mooh mein apna l***a de ke m***h maroon” (Translation: Come let me f*** you till the thought of making love leaves your mind, Beat you with my shoe after I f**k you and then I’ll shove my d**k in your mouth and j**k off)– Yo Yo Honey Singh
“Slut, you think I won’t choke no whore / Til the vocal cords don’t work in her throat no more?!” – Eminem
“Dilon ka shooter, hai mera scooter, Dilon ka shooter, aa aa”- Dhinchak Pooja
Society dances to the songs of the first guy, calls the second guy, “the greatest rapper of all time” and trolls the third person because of her mediocrity. So is it correct to say that society is more worried about mediocrity than misogyny?
Note: This post is based on my personal experiences and I could be wrong.
If you are feeling suicidal, I would suggest you go to a Psychiatrist. Medicines are sometimes important for our mental health, so please don’t think twice about this. Psychologists/Counselors/Therapists don’t have the authority to prescribe medicines.
If you are someone who wants to work on your issues in detail, then I would suggest you to visit a counselor/therapist. Psychiatrists are not trained in counseling.
If your issues are complex and you want a long-term solution, then I would suggest you to visit a Psychiatrist AND a Psychologist. These days, there are clinics which have a psychiatrist and a psychologist/counselor/therapist.
If you don’t sense an immediate danger to your mental health and yet, you have issues, then first visit a Counselor/Therapist. He/She will direct you to a Psychologist/Psychiatrist if needed.
Psychologist, Therapist and Counselor seem similar but there are distinctions. Please google and read up on their roles.
Be careful while choosing mental health professionals. Like every other profession, there are people who won’t give a fuck about you. Stop going to such people. Use your intuition and rationality to determine whether a mental health professional is empathetic.Remember that at the end of the day, they are human beings, not magicians.
Not everybody can afford to go to a mental health professional. If you don’t have the money, then please consult a NGO. There are NGOs which offer free counseling. There are suicide helplines too.
Do not hesitate to seek help. Don’t care about society’s perception of mental health professionals.